There once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them.
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror, for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.
The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest... perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize?
The King chose the second picture. Do you know why? "Because," explained the King, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."
Isaiah 26:2-4The Sunday Times, September 23rd 2007
One girl tells Nur Dianah Suhaimi how she was taken in when an online 'friend' turned on his charm offensive.
When I met Jetson , I was 15 and was looking for a boyfriend online. At school, almost all my female lassmates had boyfriends. I had never even been on a date. I never had a guy come up to me asking for my number. But on the Internet, things are different. Guys come up to me because they cannot judge my looks. That was how it started with Jetson. He was 25 when we met yet we connected so well. He didn't treat me like a kid the way my parents and teachers do. When I told him my age, he asked about school. He was concerned that I was failing half my subjects and advised me to work hard. I was touched. My parents rarely paid attention to my grades.They were more concerned about my elder sister who is a straight A student.
That first time, we chatted for five hours - from 10pm until 3am. He was smart, funny and kind. He gave me a cute pet name. Before we ended the chat, he said to me: 'I think you're a very interesting girl. You must be beautiful too. The boys in your school must be stupid not to be your boyfriend. 'I was flattered. Nobody had called me beautiful before. Then he asked me out.'I must see what you look like,' he said.
Two days later, on a Saturday afternoon, we met outside Orchard MRT station. I was a little disappointed when I saw him. He was short, skinny and had many pimples. He wore jeans with a white polo tee. But he was as nice to me as he was online. We had lunch at Burger King which he paid for. We then went window shopping and he held my hand. I felt happy and proud. Proud because a 25-year-old guy who was mature and nice was holding my hand. 
He was very gentlemanly. He kept asking if I felt tired and if I needed a drink.When I spoke, he'd put his face close to mine and listen intently. Before we parted at the train station, he gave me a long kiss on the lips. My heartwas beating so fast. It was my first kiss. We went out again the next week. Again, he kissed me.
On the third date, Jetson suggested we go to his flat in Bukit Batok. He lived with his parents but they were at work. (Kermit - this guy could be a bum living off his parents! No wonder so much free time!) At his place, he kissed me many times as we watched TV in the living room. There was heavy petting. After that date, Jetson asked me to be his girlfriend. I was already falling in love with him so I agreed. All our dates after that were spent at his flat. Without fail, there'd be heavy petting. I'd go to his place as often as three times a week, mostly after school becausethat was when his parents were not home.
Each time, Jetson would ask me for sex but I said no. I was afraid of getting pregnant. He'd get upset and tell me he was so close to his ex-girlfriend becausethey had sex. This would make me angry and jealous.
About two months later, I revisited the chatroom where I had met Jetson andfound out that he was still chatting. I became suspicious and decided to chat withhim using a different nickname.
I was shocked. He used the same tricks that he had earlier used on me. He gave me a pet name and said I was beautiful. He also asked me out. I realised that I had been used by this pervert. I called him on the phone and broke up with him. He didn't even explain himself; he just kept quiet.I never saw Jetson again. I also stopped chatting. I'm now 17 and still do not have a boyfriend but that's okay. I don't want to risk being used as a sex object again.
Just came back from Swiss & jumped straight into a work trip in Malaysia then right into my church camp in St John's island. In total I was away from home for about two weeks. Thankfully my mom was very understanding. Totally busy recently I would love to share more about my wonderful holiday otherwise.
Switzerland - Awesome land of natural beauty
Snowy alps - when u're that close to them, right there with them, woah! the feeling is indescribable. Want to go back again someday
Conquering the mountains! - That's the mountain we conquered. 2.5hrs to trek down. Some parts were so steep we feared for our lives if we missed our footsteps. Definitely memorable journey. At the foot of the mountain though we can't see any possible path from which we could have trekked down from but in our hearts we know there is a way that we came down. Different angle, different perception. I wonder if He's smiling. Looking up or peering down - the view's different.
Our emotional love language and the language of another person may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in “English”, if your friend understands only “Chinese”, you will never understand how to love each other. There are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.
Words of Affirmation: I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me, and for the simple, everyday things I do. (Generally in words/writings)
Quality Time: I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me
Receiving Gifts: I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love
Acts of Service: I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me with some work or running some errands
Physical Touch: I feel expecially loved when a person expresses feelings for me through physical contact
Communicating love isn’t as easy as feeling “in love,” because it’s quite a different thing. Falling in love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice. It’s effortless. Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. When you choose to speak someone else's love language, whether or not it is natural for you, though you might not even like the language, but speaking it will clearly communicate love. Love is a choice.
Think about your family, close frens, special frens. What is their love language? Can you bless them today by speaking a love language that they understand best? :)
*Special thanks to http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
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Remy the mouse & the late Auguste Gusteau, France’s greatest all-time culinary genius, is the author of Anyone Can Cook, the cookbook that inspired Remy to dream of becoming a chef.
Arise warriors arise!
A four-year-old boy was finally put into time-out after battling with his mother. "Sit in that chair until the timer goes off," the mother said in frustration. The boy sat down, fearing greater punishment, but said, "Okay, Mommy. I'm sitting on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside!"
Last weekend wasn't fantastic. Had a misunderstand that lead to much frustration & anguish. Half of me was battling to do the right thing, the other part of me offered nice little excuses & reasons not to. Put it simply I felt lousy & defeated. Yucky yucks feeling.
After a while of self pity & guilt I woke up one morning with this sudden thought that popped in my head. "You're a warrior. Warriors fight, warriors emerge victorious."
Woah woah woah. It's pretty amazing. As suddenly as it came I suddenly realized that though I was a warrior on the outside (My church's theme for 2007 is everyone of us are warriors of light) but really inside of me I wasn't one.
Well whimpy warrior no more. And my favourite female warrior is non other than Hua Mu Lan! Yeah! Arise warriors arise! 
"WinDz: Hey, haven't visited for a longggg time . Didn't know you were married ! xDDD"
I had a minor shock then burst into laughter when I saw the tag from an ex-student! (Hey there WinDz no offence eh to use your tag as a story! I'm inspired that's all! :P)
Eventually I'll be married WinDz but currently I'm not a Mrs yet!!! :) So who are these people calling me mummy. I'm not into adoption either. keke! I've to do a bit of history digging here. These are my extremely close bunch of church mates. So close that we're "related" literally.
My friend invited me to a Christian rally years ago and there was no looking back. From someone who disliked anything related to Christians previously somehow I became more open to going church. It must be a miracle. A good miracle at that! Started attending church with Penny & that girl wanted to join a cell group! OMG she actually called church to asked how to join one. Anyway being good frens that's how I got dragged into one. *But heys Penny dear, thanks!!
In church I've a spiritual family & belong to one. My spiritual "mother" Serene is a lovely mum! I've learnt so much from her. She'll always avail herself to listen when I'm troubled. Best of all, she believed in me even when I don't myself.
From a shy, suspicious, angry, uptight person. I'm glad to say I'm much happier, more confident, learning to trust & enjoy having some lame & fun now. Thanks be to God! Who loves us & has a wonderful plan for each of our lives.
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Saw this on Reader's Digest September 2007 edition "The Power of a Smile - by Anne Mullens" & thought that it's really good.
It's 7am, and Susan Jenks would love more sleep, but she can hear her 5-month-old son, Angus, rousing in the next room. "I'm hardly able to drag myself out of bed," says this mother, who, with both an infant and an older son aged two, is no stranger to fatigue. "But when I look into his cot, and he gives me a big smile, it fills me with joy - and then everything is fine." Such is the power of a simple smile.
Studies have found that if a parent responds to a baby's smile with an expressionless face, the infant gets upset. "This indicates how important the caregiver's smile is for the infant," Infants of depressed mothers also show fewer signs of happiness and smile less often than infants of non-depressed mothers.
Keltner notes that while some people are born with generally happier temperaments, which set them up for success, others can become happier by being taught how to cultivate a genuine smile.
"In the happiness literature," the greatest association with happiness is connection to others. Teaching smiling is important becuase it helps us connect.
Putting on a happy face not only helps us make friends, it translates into altered brain chemistry that makes us feel better.
A smile is a powerful part of our conversation capability. If you can't smile, you are very limited in your ability to pass on information and relate to other people. (Dr Ralph Manktelow)
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Tribute to Mr Chong who found this video i grabbed from his blog de. www.historymaker20736.blogspot.com . Check out his original post 一人一半，感情不散....
Dun ask me why I just love the music. Catchy and reminds me of the show (watched local production 881 with my colleagues). I didn't really laugh much with the flood of hokkien songs - probably due to language barrier. The ending was unpredictable for me. So touching! Sobs :~(
The storyline gets better and better as the show progresses. The small papaya, though she's like so gusty and loud but she has her tender side too towards her "sister".
One thing I got from the show was the sacrifical love of small papaya, the carry chicken guy & the auntie. Each of them gave up something because of their love & commitment to another. That act of sacrifice may not appear big in another person's eyes but from my point of view (as a viewer) I think it means a great great deal to the receiver.
(You know I must be really excited to be blogging at such a weird timing - Yes of course! I've just completed my scheduling for my Australia trip, hopefully can confirm the air tickets tomorrow. keke)
I'll be going for my holidays soon! Oh I'm so excited!!! Previously I've only travelled to the Asian countries like Thailand, India and China (oh yes China. Will be there again next year. Join my team in Chengdu to help the vagabond children!)
It was pretty interesting actually. A fren of mine asked if I would like to visit Switzerland with her. My immediate response was "NO"! I'm not someone who spurges on holidays to destress plus the fact that I'm planning for a long awaited family trip to Australia soon; money and annual leave are huge concerns. However almost immediately this other thought came into my mind (seriously the brain is really powerful; mine is! It's like in a split second so many things have flashed passed my brain monitor) "Oh Cynthia you ulu turtle, haven't seen much of the world ya". I paused for a moment. dotz dotz dotz. It's true. The last time I went for a real playing holiday was after my graduation to Redang Island with my friends. Well long story cut short -> I've been bubbling with excitement since then. Snowy mountains here I come!
Many good things have actually came out of this decision to go for the trip. Money/savigns became something that I started thinking about seriously. I can no longer be satisfed with my current savings. Rather I need to replenish them to a healthy level again. (Love for money is the root of all evil. True godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it.) Dun worry I'm not going crazy on a money finding spree. But I'm now on the lookout of finding some good skills or a personal forte. A good skill that I can leverage on wherever I go in future.
After a week of seeking. Ta-da! This is my first option! COOKING! I used to cook when I was younger. I stopped trying to cook for my family when I got really busy studying etc. Oily kitchen is a no no. So it's not just any cooking. Probably healthy cooking. Minus the frying and the whatever that will stink the kitchen and make the floor oily.
Okies. Enough said. Gotta pick up a cookbook soon. 
Sandy Beaches Golden Sand, hope you be my faithful friend...
In my primary and secondary school days when it's time for us to switch classes or even schools at the end of the year, many of us will flash out nicely decorated autograph books to get them autographed (Which really what Friendster is doing now - just that the medium is different)
We pen words, poems; paste stickers, photos etc etc to beautify up the little space that our frined has entrusted to us to leave our paw prints on. It still bring back fond & some faded memories when I flipped through my dusty, yellowy autograph book. Some are really hilarious! (I'm sure those I wrote was too. Haha)
I typed "Definition of a true friend" and million of pages came back. I looked through some of them and decide to come up with my own. Not because theirs is not good but I felt that my definition/expectation of a true friend will be different from someone else's definition. Simply because each of us are unique and different. How a true friend is really true to a person may not mean as much to you. (I'll talk more about this in Langauge of Love some other time)
The last time that I was really traumatized by an unfortunate happening in my life. I called a really good friend of mine just wanting to talk to her a bit. But as I shared with her there was a point I just kept quiet a bit choke by my emotions then. But she understood. Initially I was still trying to assure her that I'm fine & that I just needed someone to talk to. That's all. Trying to sound normal over the telephone thinking that she won't see the tears. Though she was busy she just gave me that time and told me that she will not put down the phone or talk till I'm feeling better. I wept quietly over the phone with her for... I can't remember how long.
At the end of the conversation though she didn't have an answer to the problem but I felt assured and comforted deeply to know that someone is alongside me. Praying for me, not allowing me to fall, wanting me to be strong again. It really touches me. Thank you so much Penny. I always thank God for you.
FRIENDS by Michael W. Smith
Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong
Chorus:
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
Met up with a fren recently. Lynn & I didn't know each other for long but we hit off pretty well. She was going overseas to study really soon so we arranged to meet up, have a drink before she files off to pursue her dream.
She's going off for two years in Switzerland to study watch-making. Isn't that cool cool cool! It's not really the kind of profession that would come immediately to the mind of a typical Singaporean. Most of us dream about being a doctor, businessman, teacher, banker, dentist, actor etc etc.
I asked Lynn why she chose that course and she says that it was a chance opportunity that that she heard of the course from a close church friend. Incidentally around the same period of time she found out about a distant relative of hers who has been in the industry. She tried it out a little at his place, feels that it suits her personality; considered about it, discussed with her parents and mentors, flew over to Switzerland for the entry test and passed the interview. (Not everyone have a knack for handling watches you know!) And the rest is history.
Here's the link for your reference. http://www.wostep.ch
WOSTEP (Watchmakers of Switzerland Technical & Educational Program): a unique institution in its field. WOSTEP is an independent and neutral institution that is recognised as an exemplary training centre in the field of watchmaking. The WOSTEP courses can be held in English, French, German and Italian.
I admire her courage and daring to step out of her comfort zone. How many of us truly have a dream and know what we want? I can't even say that I already know that for myself. Well, I know what I don't want and roughly what I want. But to really really confidently say I know my dream... not really really yet. It's complicated. Ya, it is. So start thinking about it early! You're never too late. At least don't drag anymore. At least you have chance to trial and error along the way.
Go for it young people. Explore your various strenghts, interests & talents early. (Yes to study hard but don't just mug in the sea of books all the time) It will help you in making some decisons along the way. :) 
July 30, 2007 The Straits Times
(A mix of cultural traditions at wedding nuptials of MP Irene Ng and Graham Berry)
THE groom read a poem of love and spoke of a union that crossed continents. The bride quipped of a union that fulfilled four government policies. She is from Singapore and he is from Scotland.
The four policies their marriage covered: it is pro-family and it promotes active ageing, foreign talent and racial harmony.
Policy or poetry, the wedding of MP Irene Ng to Scot Graham Berry was a sweet, elegant affair that mixed elements of the couple's different cultural traditions.
They were married in Scotland on July 7, after a whirlwind romance. They met last August and he proposed two months later.
Yesterday, Ms Ng, 43, and Mr Berry, 62, held their marriage blessing ceremony at the Church of Singapore in Marine Parade.
The church hall was decorated with white orchids, tartan ribbons, teddy bears and organza. Music by the T'ang Quartet - the couple's favourite string ensemble in Singapore - filled the air before the service began and photos of their wedding set against the scenic Scottish highlands were screened.
Ms Ng glided in, on the arms of her father, looking radiant in a white cheongsam with a sheer kebaya-like sheath over it.
Her father, Mr Ng Soo Chye, 75, told The Sunday Times later: 'I had been hoping for this day to come. I have attended many church weddings and I would always think when it would be my turn to walk my daughter down the aisle.
'I thought I had no chance but thank God that I could walk my daughter down the aisle today.'
Beaming with pride, Mr Ng handed his daughter to Mr Berry, who was dressed in a Scottish kilt. The tartan design was from his late father's regiment when he fought in World War II.
Before guests, that included the President, Prime Minister, Cabinet ministers, MPs, family and friends, the couple also shared their love story.
They met at a reception in Edinburgh on Aug 17 hosted by Mr Berry as chief executive of the Scottish Arts Council. Ms Ng was on a three-month fellowship at the University of Edinburgh.
A day later, he asked her out for lunch purportedly to talk about 'collaborations' between their two countries, but he was really just keen to meet her, he confessed.
Love blossomed. Dates, of hikes, walks and concerts, followed. He proposed just before Ms Ng, an MP for Tampines GRC, left for home.
But she couldn't give him an answer until he visited Singapore and her Tampines GRC constituency. He did so in November, and fell in love with the country and her constituency.
Home now for him will also be Singapore. His two children, Louise, 38, and Mark, 36, from an earlier marriage, who were at the ceremony, both expressed their happiness for the couple.
Friends and family were also visibly happy for the couple, touched by their declarations of love and affection. Said labour chief Lim Swee Say: 'I'm very sure they will have a lot of happiness together.'
As the day came to a close, Mr Berry told reporters: 'The weather was good, the company was fantastic, the church was wonderful...and of course, who can ask for a more wonderful bride.'
'Dear Graham and Irene, Wishing you both many years of joy and fulfilment together!' PRIME MINISTER LEE HSIEN LOONG AND WIFE, MS HO CHING, writing in the couple's guest book before the ceremony.
'I'm very happy for Irene. I want to welcome Graham to Tampines GRC. Hopefully, we've got a new grassroots leader. They look wonderful together and we wish them a long and happy marriage.' NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT MINISTER MAH BOW TAN, who is also the anchor minister for Tampines GRC where Ms Ng is one of the MPs.
'Irene and Graham look very happy together, very much in love and we are very happy for them.' MISS PENNY LOW, MP for Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC
'The hope is always there.' MISS LOW on whether Ms Ng's marriage gives hope to single women.
'I hope it will be contagious.' MP AHMAD MOHAMAD MAGAD, interjecting Miss Low.
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Kermit: How sweet :) And it seems the parents are amongst the happiest around as they see their children settle down.
July 30, 2007 The Straits Times
A TEENAGER now, she finally reported to police that she had been sexually molested when she was just five.
She had kept her ordeal to herself for over a decade.
The teen, now 15, finally made a report to the police earlier this year. On Monday, her relative, a 24-year-old man, appeared in a district court, accused of committing a series of obscene acts with a child spanning a period which began in 1997. Both the man and the girl cannot be named as it would lead to her identity.
The man is said to have first sexually assaulted the girl when she was only five in a flat in the north-eastern part of Singapore in 1997. The following year, he allegedly repeated the offence in the same flat. He was also accused of sexually assaulting the girl again in 2002. No plea was taken.
The man, now out on $12,000 bail, was warned by the court not to approach the teen while he is on bail. He is due to return to court on Aug 16. If convicted, he could be jailed up to two years.
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Kermit: Gosh, she actually kept quiet about it for so long - 10 years. I think the relative might have still been harassing her else she might have continue keeping quiet about it.
But the relative is not like some old ah-pek.....he is just a youth!!! (24yrs old now, so 24 - 10 = 14; he started when he was 14!!!!!! ) How scary.... Keeping quiet might not be the best long-term solution. Girls if you're in trouble or need help, PLEASE approach a trusted adult or email me at kermittee@hotmail.com
If you want to know whether or not you're really in love, give it the test of time.
Infatuation is the name we give to that first bright burst of attraction between two people. It sets our pulses racing, and it makes us think of clouds of and fireworks, and stories that end in "happily ever after."
There's no doubt that infatuation looks and feels very much like love. The only problem is it doesn't last; it's a quick, emotional high, with no commitment behind it. And when it runs its course, we find ourselves back where we started, with little or nothing to show for the experience.
How then can we distinguish real love from temporary attraction? If the feeling is unreliable, how can we measure the commitment of the will? There's only one answer to that question: It takes time.
The best advice I can offer a couple contemplating marriage, or any other important issue, is this: Make no important life-shaping decisions quickly or impulsively. Measure your motivation carefully, and when in doubt, stall for time.
Give your emotions a chance to evolve and oscillate, If your love is real, it can handle the wait, and your relationship will be all the stornger for the seasoning of an unhurried foundation.
(To the lovely Ting sisters)
I'm more convinced every day that a great portion of our adult efforts are invested in the quest for that which was unreachable during childhood. The more painful the early void, the more we're motivated to fill it later in life.
For example, a friend of mine named Diane had a father who never met the needs for love and attention and belonging that a father should satisfy in his child. Even today, this man seems oblivious to the pain he's caused his daughter.
Diane used to find herself feeling disappointed and hurt and rejected each time he failed to come through. But then she learned, quite by accident, that her dad had been severly abused and wounded as a child.
His own father and mother had died when he was a boy, and the aunt to whom he was sent was so severe, she even forbade him to cry.
After hearing this account, Diane suddenly saw her father in a different light. He was not just a rejecting father, he was a man with a handicap... an emotional handicap. Diane's experience is not that unique in family life. So often, those loved ones who continually frustrate and disappoint us are reacting to deep wounds from their own formative years. If we can react compassionately to them instead of expecting them to be what they can't, we can transform our families from battlegrounds into places of harmony.
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Kermit: To the people who've asked me what this post about. If our parents are sometimes unable to provide us with the kind of love that we wish for; if they frequently quarrel though it really saddens me; if they talk about divorce though I never wish to see them apart; if they beat & scold me as if they don't love me anymore.... is it because they hate me? is it because they no longer care for the family??? Maybe the answer is NO. Perhaps when they were younger they were mistreated by someone and the only way they know how to love me is to scream & beat me.
It doesn't make sense. Yes it doesn't. That's how deep some hurts could be. Just like Diane's dad. It's not that he doesn't love his daughter or wishes to reject her. Perhaps he doesn't know how to love her because he has never really experienced love.... What he got from his so called family was just beatings, verbal abuses etc
When we are discontented with our families, maybe we can try seeing deeper beyond the surface. Dig deeper into their past and perhaps shed some light into the present.
Guild Rules & Regulations:
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I'm no Mother Theresa I can't fly to the poorest part of the world just to help the poor. And by the time I get there I'll probably freak out by the devastation. Give up, go home.
Let's be practical. We probably need many baby steps before we get to the final big leap. Start by making a little space, making room in your heart for people. Like that pregnant lady who is going to reject me even if I offer my seat OR the suspicious blind lady that is selling tissue paper.
Each time we shut our eyes to someone in need we're really a step closer to a colder, more harden & less trusting heart.
Somebody gotta take the first step right. Let that be me. Let that be you!
Amercian educator William Lyon Phelps once said: "Every man who is happily married is a successful man, even if he has failed in everything else." I certainly agree.
Check out the original post at http://chinfen.blogspot.com/ "You Alone"
From a fren's blog. I thought it was really lovely. Supposedly a slow & slightly melancholy song. But the way the music was rearranged gave a sense of strength & hope to it. (In my opinion).
Music is really powerful. Being someone who's musically inclined listening to different kinds of music can either perk up my day or successfully get me into some bluey kind of mode.
When I was younger I love drowning my sorrows listening to all the lovely dovey love songs on 93.3FM. Not very healthy for my kind of personality. I could memorize & replay all those songs in my head & imagine myself as those sad characters portrayed in the songs.
So, do be careful to the kind of music that you listen to. It could be subtly brain-washing you. If you need HOPE, do drop me an email. I have better alternatives of music to offer :) kermittee@hotmail.com
Chances are, at least once or twice during your time as a parent, you’re going to do or say something that will make your child angry with you. Should he or she be allowed to express that emotion?
If a child grows up unable to verbally express his negative emotions toward his mother or father, he will often show it in ways that psychologists call “passive aggression” instead. He may pout, wet his bed or get bad grades in school, or perhaps even eat too much.
Usually, children aren’t aware these choices are being fuelled by anger and that they are unconscious ways of expressing accumulated hostility. So, it is important to allow your children to ventilate the irritations they’ve stored inside.
On the other hand, I firmly believe children should be taught to be respectful to their parents. It is not appropriate to permit name-calling, back-talk, sassiness and disrespect. Instead, I think it’s wise to tell children that they can say anything to us, including very negative things, as long as these things are said in a respectful manner – for example:” You’ve embarrassed me in front of my friends.” Or:” Sometimes I think you love Billy more than me.”
By following this general guideline, we’re teaching children how to deal with anger, which might come in handy with their future husbands or wives.
I just attended a conference about "Helping the Poor". Speaker Jackie Pullinger mentioned that more than a million children are drawn into prostitution each year. One million is alot.
"On this trip, I've had sex with a 14 year-old girl in Mexico and a 15 year-old in Colombia. I'm helping them financially. If they don't have sex with me, they may not have enough food. If someone has a problem with me doing this, let UNICEF feed them."
-Retired U.S. Schoolteacher
"Maria is . . . prostituted by her aunt. Maria is obliged to sell her body exclusively to foreign tourists in Costa Rica, she only works mornings as she has to attend school in the afternoon. Maria is in fifth grade." (Fifth graders are about 10-12yrs old)
Child sex tourists are individuals that travel to foreign countries to engage in sexual activity with children. The non-profit organization End Child Prostitution, Child Pornography, and the Trafficking of Children (ECPAT) estimates that more than one million children worldwide are drawn into the sex trade each year.
Poverty is the main reason that pushes children into prostitution. Many nations with thriving sex tourism industries are nations that suffer from widespread poverty resulting from turbulent politics and unstable economies. Young children are lured away from broken homes by "recruiters" who promise them jobs in a city and then force the children into prostitution. Some poor families themselves prostitute their children or sell their children into the sex trade to obtain desperately needed money.
The Internet has also facilitated the recent rise in child sex tourism by providing a convenient marketing channel. Websites detail sexual exploits with children and supply information on prices in various destinations etc.The easy availability of this information on the Internet generates interest in child sex tourism and facilitates child sex abusers in making their travel plans.
Information taken from the U.S. Department of State
http://www.usdoj.gov/criminal/ceos/sextour.html
http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/fs/2005/51351.htm
There's a special evil in the abuse and exploitation of the most innocent and vulnerable. The victims of sex trade see little of life before they see the very worst of life -- an underground of brutality and lonely fear. —President George W. Bush before the UN General Assembly, September 2003
Who will help these children?
One of the guys who arranged to meet the 13 year old girl up introduced himself as a basketball coach after she revealed that her true identity - a reporter. According to him he just wanted to recruit female basketballers for his school
A week after the article was flashed on the front page of The Straits Times I read in the papers that the basketball coach was fired. What happened was that a member of the school found the man mentioned in the papers very familiar and highlighted it to the principal. The school proceeded to call and verify with The Straits Time. The coach was subsequently called in. The principal (an all girls primary school) asked him if the person was really him. And guessed what this guy said:" It's me but I asked her all those questions because I just want to make sure that no sluts will join our school's basketball team"
For the safety & well being of the students, the school fired the coach as they are concerned over the kind of influence he might have over the young girls under his care.
Thank goodness for the alertness of the teacher who raised the alarm!!!
Check out the recent Sunday Times on 6th May 2007:
Men prowl Internet chatrooms & lure young irls into meeting them for sex. Reporter Cheryl Tan poses as a 13-year-old schoolgirl & gets indecent proposal one after another.
"Petting is like a massage. Just wear your bikini and I'll give ou a full body massage" - SPRING, 24
"I let you see me naked, you also show me yourself naked." - UnWANTED, 17
"I teach you everything tomorrow," he promised. But I had to let him "feel feel" me. - Eric,32.
Darren, whose pick-up line was to ask if I was keen on earning $1,500, called me "girl". HE asked for my age, my school, and why I was not in class on a Friday morning. For that amount of money, all he wanted from me was to "accompany" him. The 27-year-old who claimed to be an advertising manager said he wanted us to "chill out" together at his home. He asked to meet me at a playground near the HDB flat he lived in. Offered to pay for my cab fare & said we could have breakfast & watch comedy movies. He gave me his mobile number.
When I got there and called him, he asked me again if I was really 13. WHile I waited on a slide, Darren circled the playground several times. He then disappeared behind a block of flats and hid behind a pillar.
My phone rang - it was him. He claimed he did not see me and asked to meet at the lift lobby instead. When I faked unfamiliarity with the area, he finally approached me.
The first thing he asked me was: "Are you the girl I chatted with online?"
When I identified myself as a reporter, Darren immediately denied knowing that I was 13. Even after he tried to inch away from me, he insisted that his motive was purely innocent. He "really just wanted to watch movies" with me at his flat. Two hours later, a woman who claimed to be his girlfriend called to say someone has impersonated Darren & posted his mobile number on the Net.
Girls, don't get sweet talk. I don't even waste my time with any online strangers. The real posion lies deep within the sweet honey coated words. This reporter was just doing a case study. But I wonder how many young innocent gals may have fallen prey to some of these sweet talking perverts.
(to give honour when it's due) I "coup" this video from my fren's blog. Check out what he wrote at http://iamwaimun.blogspot.com/ "I am Beautiful"
Singapore's Version:
Had my share of feeling fat, ugly & totally unhappy when I was young. I had short hair (a boy's cut) since primary school days and all the way till JC. Wearing skirts was like so off. Hahaha. Perhaps it was just a growing up phase - teenage years can be a real headache sometimes. But I enjoy looking good & dressing up now. And it starts small.
If you:
1) Happen to be a friend of a girl who seldom wear skirts or dress up -> Friends can help by just paying a simple & nice compliment instead of making as if some major castrophone has happenend. It make the person more embarrased than anything and would have second thoughts about dolling up again.
2) Happen to be a girl who seldom wear skirts or dress up ->
(a) It's ok, there's nothing bad. You probably just can't be bothered with the hassle of it.
(b) If one fine day you happen to change your mind. JUST DO IT. Try not to be overly conscious of friends who make a hoo-ha over your change of waredrobe. They're really just trying to be kind :) And what matters is how you are happy being yourself. Being who you really are INSIDE & OUTSIDE. I'm sure your friends will understand that.
Let your true colours SHINE through
Netherlands Version:
It's a good thing to praise children for the praiseworthy things they do. But is there a limit to the compliments we offer them?
Praise is essential to a child's self-esteem and the children who grow up without it typically wither like un-watered plants. But too many good words for the wrong reasons can be inflationary in nature. This is called flattery, and the essence of it is that it is unearned. It's what Grandma says when she comes for a visit, "Oh, look at my beautiful little girl! You're getting prettier everyday!" Or, "My, what a smart boy you are!" Flattery happens when you heap compliments on a child for something that he does not achieve. Praise, on the other hand, is a genuine response to good things that you child has done. To be effective, it should be highly specific. "You've been a good boy" is too general. Much better is, "I like the way you cleaned your room today!" Or, "I'm proud of the way you studied for that math assignment last night!"
Praise reinforces the child's constructive behaviour. It tells him he's done something positive and valuable, and it makes him want to repeat it. Parents should avoid sliding into empty flattery. But they should always be ready to offer genuine praise to those who deserve their commendation, and that includes every child if we're alert to the opportunities around us.
I teach. (*nopes I'm not a teacher, keep trying .... if u wish... hahhaha)
One of the things I teach is Cyber-Grab (Piracy... Burning & ripping CDs to MP3... pirated VCDs... software....games...plagarism etc etc).
I love to share a personal example of what I heard our wise teacher Mr Hee Guan shared with us before. There was once during our gathering Mr Hee Guan gathered us (as best as i could quote him):
"Hey young people you know... life is not easy.... In our life people can steal many different and precious things from us. Our happiness, $$$, loved ones or even virginity (in some bad cases la). But there's ONE thing, ONE precious thing in your life which no one one can ever steal away from you though you may choose to throw it away yourselves. Do you know what is it?
(I thought really hard but no smart answer)
And that one thing is your I*N*T*E*G*R*I*T*Y "
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Wow!!!! What a big word...integrity... what's that??? I was already in the university then but this word came as a big word to me. Well I'm the cheena, chinese kind. Big words like that requires me to check the dictionary.
I*N*T*E*G*R*I*T*Y is more than honesty. It's choosing to do the right things even when no one is looking.
At that point in time I secretly wished that I could have heard it earlier because I was reminded how I throw my integrity away on a daily basis. The earlier days before our current ezy-link card system comes about, Singapore still uses transit-link card. With transit-link card bus commuters select the bus fare themselves. The bus ride from my home to the university is more than an hour, that is about the full fare of $1.00 or $1.20 but I will select the 65cents fare regardless of how long the bus journey is - rationalizing within myself that my family is not rich and I need to save whatever spare I could to better use. Choosing to do the right thing is super difficult can.....but I've come to learn that it's not impossible.
Just try for the 1st three times doing it. And you realized that it gets less & less difficult each time. Usually it's the first time that seems unattainable. But that's rubbish I assure you. Remember -> the brain becomes what the brain does.
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Back to sharing with my students:
With the evolvement of technology & the Net there is now more & more greys areas. Pirated vcds, cds... seems like so many people out there are doing it..... how do u share with the kids..... or even convince them of something tat's so precious (integrity) Man..... (I need help). Though many people out there are doing it doesn't mean it is right. I think I was given a chance to go thru the 65cents days so i can have a good laugh over myself for the NOW as well.
HAHAHA.
Haven't blog for soooooo long due to my busy schedule. Finally can set my thoughts down to share.
I'm doing something new recently -> to learn to do new things. Complicated???!!
I tend to stay in the familiar and comfortable zones of my life. Being in unfamiliar zones scares me.
This year's challenge for myself is do new things!!! I'm scared but excited too. Sometimes the feelings of excitment exceeds that of fear but on other days .....
One new thing I did recently was to upgrade my trusted lovely Nokia phone 6510 to a PDA phone. It's a hearty four years old!
Still learning to figure out the features. Within eight days if i can find any problem it's an exchange for a new set.
I started reading my emails & talking on MSN once with my phone. Pretty slow as I'm not used to the small screen and typing etc. But the feeling roxxxxxx BIG TIME!
When a child is convinced that he is greatly loved and respected by his parents, he is inclined to accept his own worth as a person. However, I’ve observed that many children know they are loved by their parents, but they reason to believe that they are not respected by them.
These seemingly contradictory attitudes are not so uncommon in human relationships. E.g a wife can love her alcoholic husband, and yet disrespect him for what he has become. Thus a child can conclude in his mind, 'Sure, they love me because I’m their child – I can see that I’m important to them – but they are not proud of me as a person. I’m a disappointment to them. I’ve let them down.'
It’s very easy to convey love and disrespect at the same time. You are tense and nervous when a child starts to speak; you interrupt and answer questions for him; you lecture her before she goes off to spend a weekend at someone else’s house; her hair is a mess and you reveal your frustration in getting it right. These are signals that you don’t trust that boy or girl with their image.
Loving your child is only half the task of building self-esteem. The element of respect must be added if you are to counterbalance the insults that society will throw at him or her.
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This is pretty cool. It's something that I've never thought about before. Hmmmm. Got me thinking. It's a fine balance to maintain.
But one day... just be prepared.... one fine day the volcano will still explode cause it's full!!! :(
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Won't you like to prevent a volcano's continuous eruption? Eruption is not good. It's destructive to others & self.
Whenever I erupt. I would feel very very guilty after that. I'll just share something which I've learnt before. It's known as A, B, C. (It's a thought process that guide you step by step to better understand yourself)
Activating event
- Scolded by mother
Consequences/Consequential action
- Bang the door as I go out to show my unhappiness at being scolded
Belief system
- My mom doesn't love me
Basically because of my belief system (mother don't love me) I banged the door as an act of protest. Since she doesn't love me I bang the door she also won't care what.
In actual fact this couldn't be further away from the truth. I remember that I felt guilty after that and called home to apologize after much deliberation. She sounded really sad & said that "sorry" very easy to say but it's difficult to recover from the hurt inside.
My perception of my mom was incorrect. She loves me. She loves me enough to feel hurt by my actions.
Thank God that was years back & things has improved.
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Many times people jump from A -> C-> B. But A -> B-> C is really the way to go. If we could pause a little longer to think and ask ourself what's our belief system (B) is. Then we will be able to manage our consequential actions & feelings (C) better. In my case if I know that my mom loves me then I probably would not have banged the door knowing that it will sadden her. The plus point is we probably will end up a happier person as well. :)
I'm sorry this turned out to be a complicated posting. Are you confused by all the words???? Leave me a comment perhaps & we can discuss further.
A better title than the above can be "Anger Management". But I prefer "I am MAD".
It's usually not a nice sight when someone is angry (which realistically prompted me to find the most ugly picture around)
Personally I tend to just sulk and frown & coop it inside & hope that it will go away soon. Then I go all quiet. My good friend always tell me that much as I try to act normal she can easily tell when I'm mad. hahha...
What's your first reaction when you get upset?
1) Fly into a temper?A professor shared that this quote that really impacted me. The brain BECOMES what the brain DOES.
E.g. if you keep reading books, your brain becomes an expert in reading books;
if you keep watching television, your brain becomes an expert television watcher.....OOOHHH
