The Test of Time

If you want to know whether or not you're really in love, give it the test of time.
Infatuation is the name we give to that first bright burst of attraction between two people. It sets our pulses racing, and it makes us think of clouds of and fireworks, and stories that end in "happily ever after."
There's no doubt that infatuation looks and feels very much like love. The only problem is it doesn't last; it's a quick, emotional high, with no commitment behind it. And when it runs its course, we find ourselves back where we started, with little or nothing to show for the experience.
How then can we distinguish real love from temporary attraction? If the feeling is unreliable, how can we measure the commitment of the will? There's only one answer to that question: It takes time.
The best advice I can offer a couple contemplating marriage, or any other important issue, is this: Make no important life-shaping decisions quickly or impulsively. Measure your motivation carefully, and when in doubt, stall for time.
Give your emotions a chance to evolve and oscillate, If your love is real, it can handle the wait, and your relationship will be all the stornger for the seasoning of an unhurried foundation.

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Kermit: It's true. Though the wait can be unbearable sometimes but time will surely tell. My mentor told me this once which I feel was very enlightening:

There's no need to be overly concerned about romantic interest or target. Start by being a friend. At the end of the day, if nothing comes out, we still gain a friend! *lightbulbs* Let's be enjoying the friendship because friendship built will last a long time to come.

Changing Our Views of Parents

(To the lovely Ting sisters)

I'm more convinced every day that a great portion of our adult efforts are invested in the quest for that which was unreachable during childhood. The more painful the early void, the more we're motivated to fill it later in life.
For example, a friend of mine named Diane had a father who never met the needs for love and attention and belonging that a father should satisfy in his child. Even today, this man seems oblivious to the pain he's caused his daughter.
Diane used to find herself feeling disappointed and hurt and rejected each time he failed to come through. But then she learned, quite by accident, that her dad had been severly abused and wounded as a child.
His own father and mother had died when he was a boy, and the aunt to whom he was sent was so severe, she even forbade him to cry.
After hearing this account, Diane suddenly saw her father in a different light. He was not just a rejecting father, he was a man with a handicap... an emotional handicap. Diane's experience is not that unique in family life. So often, those loved ones who continually frustrate and disappoint us are reacting to deep wounds from their own formative years. If we can react compassionately to them instead of expecting them to be what they can't, we can transform our families from battlegrounds into places of harmony.

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Kermit: To the people who've asked me what this post about. If our parents are sometimes unable to provide us with the kind of love that we wish for; if they frequently quarrel though it really saddens me; if they talk about divorce though I never wish to see them apart; if they beat & scold me as if they don't love me anymore.... is it because they hate me? is it because they no longer care for the family??? Maybe the answer is NO. Perhaps when they were younger they were mistreated by someone and the only way they know how to love me is to scream & beat me.

It doesn't make sense. Yes it doesn't. That's how deep some hurts could be. Just like Diane's dad. It's not that he doesn't love his daughter or wishes to reject her. Perhaps he doesn't know how to love her because he has never really experienced love.... What he got from his so called family was just beatings, verbal abuses etc

When we are discontented with our families, maybe we can try seeing deeper beyond the surface. Dig deeper into their past and perhaps shed some light into the present.

I'm NOT addicted!!!

Guild Rules & Regulations:

1. No vulgarities

2. Always encourage and be affirming

3. No kill-stealing

I'm in a guild!!!! Yea Yea Yea! Thanks grins! Our volunteer who donated 5 million mesos to establish this guild.

See I stressed that "I'm NOT addicted!!" but I was almost drawn into it. How do you explain how a grown adult would spend her 1st $10.70 on A cash for double EXP (gaining double experience point) & spent a few precious nights busy levelling up. I've never been the gaming kind of person. The few games that I used to play when I was young were Bubble Puzzle & Brick Game. Get the point.

As I thought about it realized that the two key reasons I'm so attracted to Maple is the thrill of levelling up (It definitely helps me press on with the mundane slashing of goats & ducks & mushrooms) & playing with my friends. (Note: I already know them in my real life. Strongly discourage you from making online friends. The danger element is always there)

If an adult with all her real world responsibilites can be ALMOST addicted, how about school children who have much spare time on their hands. Think about it....

Control the game & have fun but definitely not let the game control you & rob you of real life achievements. :)

Tips to foul a stalker's plan

Read this article on the papers recently. Thought it was scary.

(Summarised version)
Sales lady Candy was stalked by a customer whom she tried selling some items to. Initially the man BB seemed harmless enough, coming by the make shift booth with 4 kids in tow - his nieces & nephews. As a sales person she was friendly & helpful naturally. They exchanged numbers upon his request.
The nightmare begins... BB started sending Candy loads of sms & persistently calling her up. When she decline to meet him, he accuses her of looking down on him due to his lack of education. Feeling bad she relented and agree to meet him once at a public place. One or two more meetings follow after that as Candy finds it difficult to reject his insistent advances. Eventually she couldn't take the repeated calls, various requests to meet up & started avoided & ignoring him. To her horrors BB found out where she stays and sent her letters of threats & even smashes glass bottles at her house - totally tramuatising Candy & her family.
Unable to cope with it any further Candy made a police report & BB was arrested. For Candy her troubles does not end here... "What would happen after he is released...It's only a few weeks...."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A fren of mine was recently stalked as well. As I discussed with her we came up with some good-tips.
1) Share with a trusted adult
2) Be more thick skinned than the stalker - do not even entertain with any sms replies. Simply ignore all the way. Otherwise he/she may thinks that you're interested
3) Avoid being emotionally blackmailed. (See above)

Make a little space (in ur heart), to make it a better place

I'm no Mother Theresa I can't fly to the poorest part of the world just to help the poor. And by the time I get there I'll probably freak out by the devastation. Give up, go home.

Let's be practical. We probably need many baby steps before we get to the final big leap. Start by making a little space, making room in your heart for people. Like that pregnant lady who is going to reject me even if I offer my seat OR the suspicious blind lady that is selling tissue paper.

Each time we shut our eyes to someone in need we're really a step closer to a colder, more harden & less trusting heart.

Somebody gotta take the first step right. Let that be me. Let that be you!

Poor Paul Getty (Happily Married)

Amercian educator William Lyon Phelps once said: "Every man who is happily married is a successful man, even if he has failed in everything else." I certainly agree.

For many years, I lived a short drive from the J Paul Getty Museum in Southern California, which houses some of the most incredible artwork in the world. This priceless collection was just one small hobby for Getty, who was reportedly the richest man alive in his time. He ruled an enormous oil empire. When asked how much he was worth, he answered: "Several billion dollars," and then added,"...but remember a billion dollars isn't worth what it used to be."

Getty was a workaholic. He had six failed marriages and poor relationships with his sons. His wives said that they could never share a life with this man who was possessed by an all-consuming passion for business. What do you suppose J Paul Getty thought about on his death bed, in June of 1976? Here's one quote that opens a window into the soul of a very sad man. He said: "I hate and regret the failures of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting martial success."

So, J Paul Getty was perhaps the poorest man who ever lived. It's my wish that we become bother richer and wiser today, by learning from his mistakes.

Kermit says:

I don't think it's about rushing into marriage. But

1) Consider marriage if your original thought is to stay single all your life (I don't want to grow old alone)

2) If you're already married. Work on it if it's not perfect. Don't invest all your time into other engergies!

The Power of Music

Check out the original post at http://chinfen.blogspot.com/ "You Alone"

From a fren's blog. I thought it was really lovely. Supposedly a slow & slightly melancholy song. But the way the music was rearranged gave a sense of strength & hope to it. (In my opinion).
Music is really powerful. Being someone who's musically inclined listening to different kinds of music can either perk up my day or successfully get me into some bluey kind of mode.
When I was younger I love drowning my sorrows listening to all the lovely dovey love songs on 93.3FM. Not very healthy for my kind of personality. I could memorize & replay all those songs in my head & imagine myself as those sad characters portrayed in the songs.
So, do be careful to the kind of music that you listen to. It could be subtly brain-washing you. If you need HOPE, do drop me an email. I have better alternatives of music to offer :) kermittee@hotmail.com

(Lyrics)
You are the peace that guards my heart, my help in time of need
You are the hope that leads me on, and brings me to my knees.
For there I found You waiting, And there I found release
So with all of my heart I worship, And unto You I sing
For You alone deserves all glory, for You alone deserves all praise
Father, we worship and adore You, Father, we long to seek Your face.
For You alone deserves all glory, for You alone deserves all praise
Father we love You And we worship You this day.

Let Children Express Anger

Chances are, at least once or twice during your time as a parent, you’re going to do or say something that will make your child angry with you. Should he or she be allowed to express that emotion?
If a child grows up unable to verbally express his negative emotions toward his mother or father, he will often show it in ways that psychologists call “passive aggression” instead. He may pout, wet his bed or get bad grades in school, or perhaps even eat too much.
Usually, children aren’t aware these choices are being fuelled by anger and that they are unconscious ways of expressing accumulated hostility. So, it is important to allow your children to ventilate the irritations they’ve stored inside.
On the other hand, I firmly believe children should be taught to be respectful to their parents. It is not appropriate to permit name-calling, back-talk, sassiness and disrespect. Instead, I think it’s wise to tell children that they can say anything to us, including very negative things, as long as these things are said in a respectful manner – for example:” You’ve embarrassed me in front of my friends.” Or:” Sometimes I think you love Billy more than me.”
By following this general guideline, we’re teaching children how to deal with anger, which might come in handy with their future husbands or wives.

Child Sex Tourism

I just attended a conference about "Helping the Poor". Speaker Jackie Pullinger mentioned that more than a million children are drawn into prostitution each year. One million is alot.

"On this trip, I've had sex with a 14 year-old girl in Mexico and a 15 year-old in Colombia. I'm helping them financially. If they don't have sex with me, they may not have enough food. If someone has a problem with me doing this, let UNICEF feed them."
-Retired U.S. Schoolteacher

"Maria is . . . prostituted by her aunt. Maria is obliged to sell her body exclusively to foreign tourists in Costa Rica, she only works mornings as she has to attend school in the afternoon. Maria is in fifth grade." (Fifth graders are about 10-12yrs old)

Child sex tourists are individuals that travel to foreign countries to engage in sexual activity with children. The non-profit organization End Child Prostitution, Child Pornography, and the Trafficking of Children (ECPAT) estimates that more than one million children worldwide are drawn into the sex trade each year.

Poverty is the main reason that pushes children into prostitution. Many nations with thriving sex tourism industries are nations that suffer from widespread poverty resulting from turbulent politics and unstable economies. Young children are lured away from broken homes by "recruiters" who promise them jobs in a city and then force the children into prostitution. Some poor families themselves prostitute their children or sell their children into the sex trade to obtain desperately needed money.

The Internet has also facilitated the recent rise in child sex tourism by providing a convenient marketing channel. Websites detail sexual exploits with children and supply information on prices in various destinations etc.The easy availability of this information on the Internet generates interest in child sex tourism and facilitates child sex abusers in making their travel plans.

Information taken from the U.S. Department of State
http://www.usdoj.gov/criminal/ceos/sextour.html
http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/fs/2005/51351.htm

There's a special evil in the abuse and exploitation of the most innocent and vulnerable. The victims of sex trade see little of life before they see the very worst of life -- an underground of brutality and lonely fear. —President George W. Bush before the UN General Assembly, September 2003

Who will help these children?

Sweeting Talking No More

One of the guys who arranged to meet the 13 year old girl up introduced himself as a basketball coach after she revealed that her true identity - a reporter. According to him he just wanted to recruit female basketballers for his school

A week after the article was flashed on the front page of The Straits Times I read in the papers that the basketball coach was fired. What happened was that a member of the school found the man mentioned in the papers very familiar and highlighted it to the principal. The school proceeded to call and verify with The Straits Time. The coach was subsequently called in. The principal (an all girls primary school) asked him if the person was really him. And guessed what this guy said:" It's me but I asked her all those questions because I just want to make sure that no sluts will join our school's basketball team"

For the safety & well being of the students, the school fired the coach as they are concerned over the kind of influence he might have over the young girls under his care.

Thank goodness for the alertness of the teacher who raised the alarm!!!

Don't Get SWEET-TALKED!

Check out the recent Sunday Times on 6th May 2007:

Men prowl Internet chatrooms & lure young irls into meeting them for sex. Reporter Cheryl Tan poses as a 13-year-old schoolgirl & gets indecent proposal one after another.

"Petting is like a massage. Just wear your bikini and I'll give ou a full body massage" - SPRING, 24

"I let you see me naked, you also show me yourself naked." - UnWANTED, 17

"I teach you everything tomorrow," he promised. But I had to let him "feel feel" me. - Eric,32.

Darren, whose pick-up line was to ask if I was keen on earning $1,500, called me "girl". HE asked for my age, my school, and why I was not in class on a Friday morning. For that amount of money, all he wanted from me was to "accompany" him. The 27-year-old who claimed to be an advertising manager said he wanted us to "chill out" together at his home. He asked to meet me at a playground near the HDB flat he lived in. Offered to pay for my cab fare & said we could have breakfast & watch comedy movies. He gave me his mobile number.

When I got there and called him, he asked me again if I was really 13. WHile I waited on a slide, Darren circled the playground several times. He then disappeared behind a block of flats and hid behind a pillar.

My phone rang - it was him. He claimed he did not see me and asked to meet at the lift lobby instead. When I faked unfamiliarity with the area, he finally approached me.

The first thing he asked me was: "Are you the girl I chatted with online?"

When I identified myself as a reporter, Darren immediately denied knowing that I was 13. Even after he tried to inch away from me, he insisted that his motive was purely innocent. He "really just wanted to watch movies" with me at his flat. Two hours later, a woman who claimed to be his girlfriend called to say someone has impersonated Darren & posted his mobile number on the Net.

Girls, don't get sweet talk. I don't even waste my time with any online strangers. The real posion lies deep within the sweet honey coated words. This reporter was just doing a case study. But I wonder how many young innocent gals may have fallen prey to some of these sweet talking perverts.

Happy being Me

(to give honour when it's due) I "coup" this video from my fren's blog. Check out what he wrote at http://iamwaimun.blogspot.com/ "I am Beautiful"

Singapore's Version:


Had my share of feeling fat, ugly & totally unhappy when I was young. I had short hair (a boy's cut) since primary school days and all the way till JC. Wearing skirts was like so off. Hahaha. Perhaps it was just a growing up phase - teenage years can be a real headache sometimes. But I enjoy looking good & dressing up now. And it starts small.

If you:
1) Happen to be a friend of a girl who seldom wear skirts or dress up -> Friends can help by just paying a simple & nice compliment instead of making as if some major castrophone has happenend. It make the person more embarrased than anything and would have second thoughts about dolling up again.

2) Happen to be a girl who seldom wear skirts or dress up ->
(a) It's ok, there's nothing bad. You probably just can't be bothered with the hassle of it.
(b) If one fine day you happen to change your mind. JUST DO IT. Try not to be overly conscious of friends who make a hoo-ha over your change of waredrobe. They're really just trying to be kind :) And what matters is how you are happy being yourself. Being who you really are INSIDE & OUTSIDE. I'm sure your friends will understand that.

Let your true colours SHINE through

Netherlands Version:

Yummy freebies!

Kindness inspires kindness

I was touched by someone's kindess last week, so much that i'm still thinking about it today & finally blogging it down.

I was offered a nice little cup of cappuccino when I most needed it. It came at the right time & was the right thing that I needed. The person was a distant friend (as in we don't really know each other well & have not met for more than a year) which particulary made the act of kindness so memorable.

I wonder if that friend of mine knows that I'm still wow-ing over that cup of cappuccino.... I STILL AM!!! :)

Flattery vs Praise

It's a good thing to praise children for the praiseworthy things they do. But is there a limit to the compliments we offer them?

Praise is essential to a child's self-esteem and the children who grow up without it typically wither like un-watered plants. But too many good words for the wrong reasons can be inflationary in nature. This is called flattery, and the essence of it is that it is unearned. It's what Grandma says when she comes for a visit, "Oh, look at my beautiful little girl! You're getting prettier everyday!" Or, "My, what a smart boy you are!" Flattery happens when you heap compliments on a child for something that he does not achieve. Praise, on the other hand, is a genuine response to good things that you child has done. To be effective, it should be highly specific. "You've been a good boy" is too general. Much better is, "I like the way you cleaned your room today!" Or, "I'm proud of the way you studied for that math assignment last night!"

Praise reinforces the child's constructive behaviour. It tells him he's done something positive and valuable, and it makes him want to repeat it. Parents should avoid sliding into empty flattery. But they should always be ready to offer genuine praise to those who deserve their commendation, and that includes every child if we're alert to the opportunities around us.

Who I am when no one is looking

I teach. (*nopes I'm not a teacher, keep trying .... if u wish... hahhaha)

One of the things I teach is Cyber-Grab (Piracy... Burning & ripping CDs to MP3... pirated VCDs... software....games...plagarism etc etc).

I love to share a personal example of what I heard our wise teacher Mr Hee Guan shared with us before. There was once during our gathering Mr Hee Guan gathered us (as best as i could quote him):

"Hey young people you know... life is not easy.... In our life people can steal many different and precious things from us. Our happiness, $$$, loved ones or even virginity (in some bad cases la). But there's ONE thing, ONE precious thing in your life which no one one can ever steal away from you though you may choose to throw it away yourselves. Do you know what is it?

(I thought really hard but no smart answer)

And that one thing is your I*N*T*E*G*R*I*T*Y "
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Wow!!!! What a big word...integrity... what's that??? I was already in the university then but this word came as a big word to me. Well I'm the cheena, chinese kind. Big words like that requires me to check the dictionary.

I*N*T*E*G*R*I*T*Y is more than honesty. It's choosing to do the right things even when no one is looking.

At that point in time I secretly wished that I could have heard it earlier because I was reminded how I throw my integrity away on a daily basis. The earlier days before our current ezy-link card system comes about, Singapore still uses transit-link card. With transit-link card bus commuters select the bus fare themselves. The bus ride from my home to the university is more than an hour, that is about the full fare of $1.00 or $1.20 but I will select the 65cents fare regardless of how long the bus journey is - rationalizing within myself that my family is not rich and I need to save whatever spare I could to better use. Choosing to do the right thing is super difficult can.....but I've come to learn that it's not impossible.

Just try for the 1st three times doing it. And you realized that it gets less & less difficult each time. Usually it's the first time that seems unattainable. But that's rubbish I assure you. Remember -> the brain becomes what the brain does.

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Back to sharing with my students:
With the evolvement of technology & the Net there is now more & more greys areas. Pirated vcds, cds... seems like so many people out there are doing it..... how do u share with the kids..... or even convince them of something tat's so precious (integrity) Man..... (I need help). Though many people out there are doing it doesn't mean it is right. I think I was given a chance to go thru the 65cents days so i can have a good laugh over myself for the NOW as well.

HAHAHA.

New New New

Haven't blog for soooooo long due to my busy schedule. Finally can set my thoughts down to share.



I'm doing something new recently -> to learn to do new things. Complicated???!!
I tend to stay in the familiar and comfortable zones of my life. Being in unfamiliar zones scares me.
This year's challenge for myself is do new things!!! I'm scared but excited too. Sometimes the feelings of excitment exceeds that of fear but on other days .....
One new thing I did recently was to upgrade my trusted lovely Nokia phone 6510 to a PDA phone. It's a hearty four years old!
Still learning to figure out the features. Within eight days if i can find any problem it's an exchange for a new set.
I started reading my emails & talking on MSN once with my phone. Pretty slow as I'm not used to the small screen and typing etc. But the feeling roxxxxxx BIG TIME!

Love WITH Respect

When a child is convinced that he is greatly loved and respected by his parents, he is inclined to accept his own worth as a person. However, I’ve observed that many children know they are loved by their parents, but they reason to believe that they are not respected by them.

These seemingly contradictory attitudes are not so uncommon in human relationships. E.g a wife can love her alcoholic husband, and yet disrespect him for what he has become. Thus a child can conclude in his mind, 'Sure, they love me because I’m their child – I can see that I’m important to them – but they are not proud of me as a person. I’m a disappointment to them. I’ve let them down.'

It’s very easy to convey love and disrespect at the same time. You are tense and nervous when a child starts to speak; you interrupt and answer questions for him; you lecture her before she goes off to spend a weekend at someone else’s house; her hair is a mess and you reveal your frustration in getting it right. These are signals that you don’t trust that boy or girl with their image.

Loving your child is only half the task of building self-esteem. The element of respect must be added if you are to counterbalance the insults that society will throw at him or her.
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This is pretty cool. It's something that I've never thought about before. Hmmmm. Got me thinking. It's a fine balance to maintain.

I am MAD - Part II

But one day... just be prepared.... one fine day the volcano will still explode cause it's full!!! :(

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Won't you like to prevent a volcano's continuous eruption? Eruption is not good. It's destructive to others & self.

Whenever I erupt. I would feel very very guilty after that. I'll just share something which I've learnt before. It's known as A, B, C. (It's a thought process that guide you step by step to better understand yourself)

Activating event
- Scolded by mother
Consequences/Consequential action
- Bang the door as I go out to show my unhappiness at being scolded
Belief system
- My mom doesn't love me

Basically because of my belief system (mother don't love me) I banged the door as an act of protest. Since she doesn't love me I bang the door she also won't care what.

In actual fact this couldn't be further away from the truth. I remember that I felt guilty after that and called home to apologize after much deliberation. She sounded really sad & said that "sorry" very easy to say but it's difficult to recover from the hurt inside.

My perception of my mom was incorrect. She loves me. She loves me enough to feel hurt by my actions.

Thank God that was years back & things has improved.

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Many times people jump from A -> C-> B. But A -> B-> C is really the way to go. If we could pause a little longer to think and ask ourself what's our belief system (B) is. Then we will be able to manage our consequential actions & feelings (C) better. In my case if I know that my mom loves me then I probably would not have banged the door knowing that it will sadden her. The plus point is we probably will end up a happier person as well. :)

I'm sorry this turned out to be a complicated posting. Are you confused by all the words???? Leave me a comment perhaps & we can discuss further.

I am MAD - Part I

A better title than the above can be "Anger Management". But I prefer "I am MAD".


It's usually not a nice sight when someone is angry (which realistically prompted me to find the most ugly picture around)

Personally I tend to just sulk and frown & coop it inside & hope that it will go away soon. Then I go all quiet. My good friend always tell me that much as I try to act normal she can easily tell when I'm mad. hahha...

What's your first reaction when you get upset?

1) Fly into a temper?
2) Let out a word or two to ease the frustration?
3) Coop it all inside yourself & hope it goes away?

From my personal experience. Option 3 is not that great a choice. I can keep keep keep & try to stack it deep deep down inside. But one day... just be prepared.... one fine day the volcano will still explode cause it's full!!! :(