What Daddy Doesn't Know

Reference from Weekend TODAY 26 August 2006 (Ansley Ng)

To her parents, Alicia is just another 19-year-old who lives with them and is preparing for her A levels. What she hasn't told them is that she is HIV positive and has been so for the past two years.

"My boyfriend who infected me was my first and only partner," Alicia (not her real name) told TODAY in a brief email. "I do not sleep around."

Pressed further about how active she was, she replied:Does it really matter how many times we had sex? Honestly, we had sex probably less than 10 times."

That was enough to add her name to the list of 40 Singaporeans below the age of 19 who have tested positive for HIV.

And yet her case is significant because teens here are still to wake up to the fact that you don't have to be a wild child to get infected. And the number of sexually transmitted infections among Singaporean teenagers has nearly tripled in three years - from 250 cases in 2002 to 678 last year.

You wonder how that can be - considering that since 2000 the Ministry of Education has been running a sex education programme for students from upper primary level. Hasn't it worked? Why are infections still on the rise?

Observers pointed out that sex education should start at home, initiated by parents.

All six parents of teenagers that TODAY spoke to were convinced that their own children had stayed away from sex.

Counsellors and observers told a very different story. Many teens did, in fact, have active sex lives but their parents were often the last to know.

School counsellor Karen Lim (not her real name) said she was seeing an increase in the nymber of students - especially girls - coming to her for help. These girls are worried when they miss their period and do not know what to do, said Mrs Lim, who also teaches biology in a secondary school.

Girls often get pressured into having sex by thier boyfriends. The boys feel peer pressure.

Invariably, it is their friends who they turn to for help.

A few months ago, MP Baey Yam Keng had an encounter with a young single mother that left him "quite affected".

At a Meet-The-People session, Mr Baey recalled meeting a woman seeking financial help who is "no more than 21".

With her 18-month-old daughter in tow, the heavily pregnant Chinese woman - whose boyfriend is a married man - cheekily remarked to Mr Baey:"It's ok, when I am 40 years old, my kids will be in their 20s and they can take care of me."

"I thought that was immature and not very realistic . She is in no position to work and support the family. Teenage sex is a very real problem. So far, there are few answers forthcoming.

Said publishing executive and single mother Jane:"The mentality of teens is 'It will bever happen to me'," she said. To jolt them out of this false sense of security, she offered a bold suggestion. Instead of keeping sex education theoretical, she said that schools should invite teens who are young parents or have contracted HIV or STD, into the classroom for open discussions with students.

"If they can see for themselves that this teen is struggling, it makes it more real," she added.

It was also time for parents to wake up to the fact that everyone was vulnerable - including their own children - and not just the wild children.

Teen HIV patient Alicia recently agreed to be interviewed by some in the local media and reflected bitterly:"So far every reporter I've encountered thinks I am a slut."

Her story, in fact, is simple:"Few are interested in the fact that I was a willing partner and that I loved my partner. All they want to know is how, where, when and what I did to get HIV," she said.

As young Singaporeans are fast realising, this can happen far more easily than they thought.
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(Just finished a camp with some of my youths recently & I was prompted to share this with them.)
Kermit's thoughts: What I read from another related article is she has since broke up with her boyfriend....
(even if what people say eventually dies down) Sad to say....Alicia will have to live with the consequences of her actions. Action brings about consequences. She might be infected with some sexually transmitted disease, might never get married, never have children, never find true love. In fact.... I'm not sure if she's still alive now.....
True love waits...